I have been a teacher for 8 years and encountered many problem semesters. many have easy fixes to them., some take weeks to correct and continuous monitoring and others I have yet to find a solution. Teaching is an adventure, just like rafting. Everyday is exciting, tranquil, and action packed. It is happiness at the end when the rafting is over just like a semester ending. The struggles to battle the water is the same struggle to battle each class in a semester.
I have an issue that has been ongoing for three years. I have searched for an answer and honestly do not understand anything more today than I did when I met this girl three years ago. Her parents are extremely successful and have pushed this girl (we will call her Ruth) into a field that she does not belong. Ruth is a special needs adult who attended special education her entire life in school. Her parents make all of her decisions and THEY choose the Medical field. She has a memory of gold and no problems passing exams if given the material to study.
Deep inside I think she has no interest in the medical field and only doing this for approval of her parents. They have paid for 2 complete program in the medical field and pay me weekly to privately tutor her. I have suggested other areas of interest for her, gave her parents a referral to OVR (occupational vocational rehab) which helps mentally challenged adults return to the work force and function in the work force. I have suggested that maybe she try to apply for SSI because of her disability and her parents are just not interested in hearing anything other than what they believe in their heart.
I sit with her 3-7 hours per week and review stuff month after month..for three years..I have been doing this!! I become frustrated with her because things that she should know just from everyday knowledge she doesn't know. She lacks so much in life and so dependent on her parents. Everyday skills like tying your shoes or how to use a knife. She has very limited social skills and unable to think critically.
I will continue to push forward encountering yet another strong gust of water, progress is slow, we take 10 steps forward and 9 backwards. I know that if I can ever get her to take her RMA exam and pass it, they sun will shine on me forever and the water will be calm for the rest of my travel. I may never get her to take this test, I may wonder the rest of my life "why her parents set her up for failure" ? But I am going to keep at it one step (one rapid) at a time!!!!
Tonia, This is a really tough situation. I am sure that while you see the parents as pressuring the student, the parents see it differently. Maybe because they know she has different needs, they want to give their child the opportunity to do something with her life.
ReplyDeleteWhile the career choice may be wrong, the feelings the parent's have towards allowing their child a chance at doing something a "normal" person would do are valid too.
It is not easy being the parent of a special needs child, just imagine all those hopes and dreams you have for your unborn child taken away from you. I have taught many special needs children and if I look behind the needs, I can see the most amazing people.
Observation is a great tool and since you tutor this young lady, you get extra observation time to observe the things she does grasp,and how they are taught to her? Is there a difference between the graspable material and how it is presented than the ungraspable material.
Your other option is to tell the parents what they dont want to hear and stop tutoring her if you feel it is not and never will work.
Hang in there if not for you but for her. She probably loves having you help her.
I am thinking that if after 3 years of tutoring and you are still having to review information that's already been covered, maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with the parents. Or maybe with her...and get her to talk parents into something she really wants to do and will be successful in.
ReplyDeleteTonia,
ReplyDeleteFirst....I tried posting to your blog but it wouldn't accept my Google account information.
Now to my comments: Response 1.1
You are in a difficult place as a tutor, educator, and mentor.
I believe that you may already know the answer to your problem....sit down with "Ruth" and her parents to discuss that the last few years may have been due to their dreams and not hers. The truth can be ugly at times but in the end we all want the truth...no matter how ugly.
Now to say that the last few years of your time together was a wasted time is just untrue....You have made a difference in "Ruth's" live by giving her your time. I am enclosing a poem that I often reflect on when I struggle with whether or not I am making a difference in what I am doing. I hope you enjoy.
Kattie
aka Lucy
The Boy and the Starfish
A man was walking along a deserted beach at sunset. As he walked he could see a young boy in the distance, as he drew nearer he noticed that the boy kept bending down, picking something up and throwing it into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things into the ocean.
As the man approached even closer, he was able to see that the boy was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach and, one at a time he was throwing them back into the water.
The man asked the boy what he was doing, the boy replied,"I am throwing these washed up starfish back into the ocean, or else they will die through lack of oxygen. "But", said the man, "You can't possibly save them all, there are thousands on this beach, and this must be happening on hundreds of beaches along the coast. You can't possibly make a difference." The boy smiled, bent down and picked up another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied.
"I made a huge difference to that one!"
~Author Unknown~
http://dreamemporium.com/starfish.html
From Shelley B.
ReplyDeleteWow, Tonia. You are really between a rock and a hard spot with this deal.
I have friends who have special needs kids and they strive to make them understand that if they work hard, they can overcome their handicaps. I think it’s wonderful, but sometimes that just doesn’t work. I have a friend that owns a barber school. She had this one woman come to her school to take her course of work. We’ll call her Julie. Her parents had pushed her to enroll in the local cosmetology school (full course) when all she wanted to do was do nails. Between pressure from her parents and the school, Julie ended up signing up for the whole course. She ended up being $20K in debt and learning a trade that she truly couldn’t do. She came over to the barber school because she had learned from others about this barber course where the instructor had a lot of patience. She had a much greater chance of success at the barber school because it was a smaller school. Sure, she pasted the state board tests, but when she would do someone’s hair, she would break out in a head to toe sweat, and her hands would shake profusely. It was scary to watch her in action. It just made us upset that people would set her up for failure…in a career she couldn’t do. She realized (finally) herself, that she wasn’t any good at this trade. She was a wonderful, patient woman would or could possibly excel in taking care of people (healthcare or the food industry). She finally quit and went into the childcare profession and she’s now excelling.
So my point is, unless she is willing to stand up to her parents or her parents are willing to understand that not everyone is cut out for certain jobs, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it, unless you want to resign as her tutor. It’s a very difficult situation to be in. Sometimes you have to tell the parents what they aren’t willing to accept!
I have an uncle who is special needs. My response is to keep teaching her like you have been doing. I'm sure her parents know but want her to keep focused in a subject to help keep her brain motivated and learning. When my uncle stops reading you can see a tremdous difference in his personality. I think you are doing a wonderful thing, not only are you teaching her but you are spending time with her. The time you spend with her I bet means more to her than you could possible know.
ReplyDeleteMichelle D'Andrea
Love the Boy and the Starfish share from Kattie. Tonia, it is hard what you are doing. But know that you are making a difference or really, why would you still be doing it :-)
ReplyDelete